As we've noted before in this blog, family dinners at holidays can be great for gathering information about your interests.

However, well meaning adults may want to quiz you on your career or education plans. You may not want to be quizzed.  

If you are not ready to talk about your plans, job goals or work, here are some ways you can deflect those well meant but put-you-on-the-spot questions:

Teens- When adults ask your plans for after high school, tell them you are still doing your research. Ask them to tell you about their current job and the fields in which they have worked. Ask them about their educational experience. Did they go to technical school, community college or university?  Ask what kinds of entry level jobs or internships they might suggest for you to learn more about fields that interest you.  Chat up all the adults present about their work experience. You may learn useful information, but if they talk and you listen, you are not the focus of intense scrutiny.

Young adults - When asked your plans, if you need more information or contacts in a field, see above.  Quiz your quizzers.

Adults - If you have no wish to talk about your work or career situation, don't. Instead, say that Thanksgiving is a day to focus on gratitude, not work. State a couple things you are thankful for, then ask your inquisitor what they are thankful for. This works especially well with people who tend to be a bit snarky about your unemployment, your choice of work, or your lack of career (in their eyes).

If an adult, well meaning or otherwise, makes a comment about choosing a career that you don't think is right, feel free to write to me at: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .  I'll tell you what I know about issue in question.

If today leaves you feeling blue, write out a list of everything in your life you are grateful for.  And, do remember this writer's mantra:  If no one is shooting at you, it's a great day!{jcomments on}

Colleague Robin Roman Wright and I collaborate often.  Right now we are designing a couple workbooks for teachers, counselors and others who teach What Color Is Your Parachute For Teens to groups*.

Last week, Robin called me for advice. 

“Carol, there have been so many articles in the paper about the over-selling of university degrees (slightly less than 50% of university grads are getting jobs that need their level of education).  There have been many articles about the dangers of student loan debt, both over-borrowing and borrowing to fund unsustainable majors.  Quite a few articles about the need for technical workers and the sizeable salaries that these careers pay have also been in the papers and on the Internet.  But still my young adult clients report that their parents and teachers are pushing them to go to university with the mindset that any degree is better than no degree.  What are we to do?”

Both Robin and I work with young adults individually, teach groups of them, and do public lectures for parents, teens and teachers to help them understand current trends in the workforce. So, my first thought was to respond with a variation on Winston Churchill’s immortal, “Keep calm and carry on.”

My second thought was not as reassuring.

It’s amazing all the various places that one can find great career tips, from an offhanded comment of a stranger on the bus, to Chinese fortune cookies and even jazz superstars.

According to Neil McCormick (of the London Telegraph), Tony Bennett, who had recorded a duet with Amy Winehouse earlier this year, felt a felt a bond with her. 

Said Bennett, “Of all the young people I’ve met over the past 50 years, she sang the right way.  She was ready to take a chance, right on the spot, right on the microphone.  Bennett came to admire Amy’s fluid, jazz-like phrasing and her spontaneous and intimate improvisations.

He understood Winehouse’s demons too.  Bennett, now 85, had his own issues with drugs and alcohol.  In 1979, he nearly died of a cocaine overdose. “I was almost the Amy Winehouse of my day.”

A chance encounter changed everything.  “I was talking to Woody Allen’s manager, Jeff Rawlins, and he said he used to handle Lenny Bruce.  I said, ‘Oh, I knew Lenny, what did you think of him?’ He said, ‘He sinned against his talent.’” 

“I threw away all kinds of corruption,” said Bennett.  “I just went back to being pretty normal.  I’d like to have talked to Amy about that.  She had a gift.  Don’t sin against your talent.”

Drugs, alcohol and overdoses are obvious ways to sin against your talent.  So are ignoring it, not developing it, becoming arrogant about it, ignoring your need for a day job to help you finance getting better at your talent or letting it lead you into disastrous relationships or choices. 

Think about your talents.  Are you sinning against them?  How do hope to get the life you want if you are?{jcomments on}